


Hush

by posey11



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Depression, Gen, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 17:44:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5014048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/posey11/pseuds/posey11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he looks in the mirror, he barely recognizes the person staring back at him. He no longer sees the youth in his own face, he only sees a hardened man carrying a heavy burden he can't get rid of on his shoulders.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hush

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I just couldn't get it out of my head for a while. I feel like Scott has been battling thoughts of inadequacy and thoughts of suicide, even as far back as "Motel California."
> 
> Make sure to reread the warnings and exit out of this if you don't wish to read about this subject matter.

 

 

There are days when it's nearly impossible to get out of bed in the mornings. He's started setting his alarm earlier than usual just to muster up enough energy to move. Every step he takes is a milestone.

When he looks in the mirror, he barely recognizes the person staring back at him. He no longer sees the youth in his own face, he only sees a hardened man carrying a heavy burden he can't get rid of on his shoulders.

“Just get through another day. Be normal.” He says to the mirror.

When he steps out of his bedroom, the mask goes on. At the end of the day, he's still golden boy Scott McCall and he can't afford to be anything other than positive and optimistic. He's the chosen one, the true alpha, he's the one who has to save everyone. If he doesn't, who will?

He pretends everything is fine because he doesn't want to attract attention. People already think he's odd, Scott doesn't want to add “suicidal freak” to the list of things people think about him. However, the worst of all would be people simply _knowing_. His depression and suicidal thoughts stemming from said depression are so deeply personal, he doesn't want anyone to know anything about it. Scott knows things would change, no one would look at him the same way again. He knows there would be no way to have a conversation with someone without them looking at him with pity. With the thought constantly running through their minds, _'He's suicidal.'_ Scott can handle many things, but this is not one of them.

Scott dreads his mother ever finding out as well. She's so important to him, he knows she would blame herself and she would never be able to get past this. He wants her to still keep thinking of him as the same person he was before the weight of the entire world was put on him.

He still acts like a normal teenager for the most part. He lives his normal life and to anyone else, he looks normal. Scott is capable of going to school and even going out to the movies with Stiles, but there's always a dark undercurrent. The fact that no one is the wiser, that's the mask doing its job.

“ _It would be so easy to die, wouldn't it?”_ He often thinks as he grips the handlebars of his motorbike just a little harder. _“It wouldn't take much to careen off the road, just accelerate and let the chips fall where they may. Everything will end before you know it, and no one would blame you. It would just be labeled a freak accident.”_

Scott doesn't know if he would ever go through with it, but those thoughts bring him a level of comfort that few things do nowadays. A few years ago he had never even thought about death. Now, it's practically the only thing that soothes him. He knows that it's a viable option if things get worse in the future. Like a light at the end of a tunnel.

But that's mostly all thoughts. Scott knows that he won't do anything right now; he's much too scared to commit suicide for a myriad of reasons, and most relate to other people. His mother, Stiles, the sheriff, the rest of his pack. He doesn't like thinking about how they would take it, and that usually stops any of those dark thoughts, if only for just a couple of hours.

He's taken to harming himself to take some of the edge off when everything gets to be too much. The rush he feels helps boost his spirits for a while. His usual method is digging his claws into his thighs, digging deep enough to slice through the meat down to the bone. He heals within a few seconds and he can start all over again. That's the best part about this; he can hurt himself all he wants and it would never leave a trace. Scott takes advantage of that every chance he can get.

Scott copes as best as he can by himself, never telling anyone. His feelings are his and his alone. No one has a right to know anything about him. Not even his best friend.

He lives with the hope that someday something will come along, something that he can't stop, that way he won't have to take matters into his own hands. At least that way he'll die a hero's death.

In the meantime, he carries on. Why? Because he's the golden boy, the chosen one, and if he can't save everyone, who will?

 

 


End file.
